It is with such great sorrow that I’m writing this post.
Friday, April 10th sometime in the night/early morning, Lisa passed away in her sleep from a heart attack. She had always said she wanted to die in her sleep, being cuddled by me. She got her wish.
The night before, when she went back to take her shower, she asked me if I was coming to bed too. When I said yes, she exclaimed “Yayayayayay, I can’t wait for cuddles tonight”!
We were so very close, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We tightly cuddled each other every night for the entire time we have been together. I’m also a very light sleeper and am awakened by almost any sound or her movement. So I can confirm that Lisa passed away very peacefully and quite. It was at 6:20 that her body rolled over onto me that I knew something was wrong.
I gave mouth to mouth, called EMC and gave CPR until they came. But she had passed away a while before she rolled onto me.
Such a beautiful, strong and powerful person. She had so many daemons from her past that she was fighting. She had overcome the last one just the week before and her awakening and life was starting to blossom. These struggles are what gave Lisa these powerful abilities to see clearly, to forgive and at the same time to speak her truth without excuses. Everyone saw a very kind and loving person.
So many people have commented on the huge difference she has made in their lives. More than a thousand people have posted or left comments for her. A typical post says they never shed tears for the people in their life that has passed – but here is a woman they have never met in person and they are balling their hearts out for Lisa. Lisa has that kind of effect …
As is the case almost all of the time – Lisa aspired to be what she was – but never saw that she was actually there. She was the person she was trying to be. I had told her this many times, tried to point out the love others had for her and the respect they held for her. Again, part of her childhood conditioning, derived from some horrible events in her childhood prevented her from accepting herself and these comments were not understood.
Just weeks ago, the little girl inside her that was traumatized way back then, was finally able to leave her dark cave and instead inhabit a beautiful bright girls room filled with dolls and toys and happy colors. Lisa’s deepest parts had finally been rescued. She related this to me a number of times along with a joy of moving past probably the most intense part of her life.
It was all of these trials that forged Lisa. What you experienced in Lisa is a triumph of life succeeding where others would have drowned. Her beauty, her personality, her insights and talents to write, to create videos and help others find their path, are all attributed to her struggles. These are what forged her and allowed her to give us light.
Her intensity for awakening was so inspiring. Her ‘Sharing Joy’ video is probably the most open and free expression of her spirit and of her awakened self. When she first crossed that gateless gate – this is how she was – for days. She is so precious ….
My love, my kealoha, your presence is felt, your love surrounds me. I know you are at peace and are what you strived for – at one with the nothingness, which is everything. I feel her surrounding me, others have stated the same for them. She is here, everywhere. And that is something, along with her life and being, that I am in celebration of.
Something Lisa always said and I also felt and would echo back to her: “I love you more than I loved you yesterday. And yesterday I had loved you the very most I ever could. How can our love keep growing, growing beyond what I ever thought possible, growing beyond what I thought was the most I could ever love. Yet here I am – I did it again!”
There are so many memories I want to try to get down on virtual paper – I will post those over on my blog “Sifan’s Journey”. But here’s one: every time I come home – every time – I would stand on the lower step into our house, close my eyes and pucker my lips. Lisa would come out and kiss me, then we would come into the house and hug. Every time …. I am still doing that and can feel her especially during those moments now.
We actually met on Second Life, a virtual world that connects people from all over the world. We still ‘played’ together there. That allowed her to express her creativity in many beautiful builds that I will maintain and everyone can enjoy. She was able to express her inner child and work out her issues here too.
My dearest Keahlo, I love you sooo deeply. I miss your physical touch so intensely… In what ever you are going through right now, don’t be scared, be assured I am here, loving you forever and giving you comfort in what ways I can. You have heard me tell you “I am here” so many times – and you know I am and you have taken comfort and relief from that. Please hear me now my love, I am here, always will be. And I know and feel you as well.
Forever cuddles my love – forever …..
With the greatest love (and cuddles) ever,
Your kealoha, Sifan