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Daily Archives: April 24, 2014

11 Month Summary

With the wedding happening in 11 days and how busy we are getting ready, you would think I’d be late on my 11 month posting, especially since I was late on the previous ones ….  Who knows how these things work – certainly not me!

If you are reading this before May 5th (2014), check back after then – I am waiting till then to post a picture from our wedding here.

Where to start ….  I’m on my second dress for the wedding (wrote about this in previous posts).  The first one was hand tailored but the material turned out to be way more “champagne” than ivory and from the weight I lost, was now too large.  In the last post I mentioned the white holoku (Hawaiian) style dress I purchased instead.  The problem with this dress is that I was still to ‘large’ ….  So I’ve been eating less and eating right plus walking around the block at work 2 to 4 times each night (we are on a mountain – a block here is has an elevation gain/loss of over 60 feet).

I talked with my doctor about losing weight as well, since I will need to lose tonnage before surgery later this fall too.  I told her about how losing weight had changed since HRT.  A lot of  ‘weight’ (fat actually …) has moved around as I went from a typical male distribution to female – but none went ‘away’ – ack.  There are the obvious ones:  stomach went down to the buttocks and up to the breasts, arm muscle mass reduced (not by much – they had me lifting heavy systems at work – side note here:  I was helping one of the guys here lift an extremely heavy (probably over 300 #) disk array unit back into the rack.  He got very red in the face and almost could not make it.  At one point I was holding the majority of the weight as he tried to get a better position.  The next day I find out he blew out his knee and pulled an arm muscle doing that.  For me, it was heavy, but do’able.  I don’t exactly want to be known for this and I think the guys are a bit embarrassed ….

There was also a weight shift I didn’t expect:  stomach ‘plumpness’ moved up!  Below the belly-button I’m fairly flat now – it has moved up to just above the belly-button to just below the rib cage.  And of course in losing weight, this is the ‘last’ place that seems to go away.  Everything else loses weight first – like my breasts – grrrrrrr.  So after all these months getting to an ‘ok’ size, now they are shrinking -ack.  My doctor said:  “welcome to womanhood”!

Just in case my efforts at losing weight before the wedding do not pan out (especially now that I have this beautiful dress) – I bought a corset.  Oh boy.  Well, the dress fits perfectly now and the other good news is that I actually can still breathe (sort of).  I have found that it enforces the rules of posture quite well indeed!  I can still put on my wedding sandals as well as the rest of my clothes – but I do have to be mindful of how I’m moving – wheeeee!  And yes, as Lisa pulled tightly on the strings in back, I had to hang on to something to keep from being pulled over.  Ahhh, the joys of being a woman…

The other big news is that not only have I decided on a date for my GRS surgery but the clinic has accepted me.  I will be having my surgery in mid September with Dr. Suporn in Thailand.   It has taken me a long time and a lot of research to come to this point.  I wrote an entire post just on how I chose him (Choosing a Surgeon).

Summarizing my transition at 11 months:  other than weight moving around and losing bust-line, everything is ‘normal’ – exactly what and how I want to feel – normal – but as a woman!  I had described this in a previous post (Ah – ‘Nothing’ at last …).

My partner noted a couple other changes recently as well.  She says my face has changed yet again – more feminine.  Also my waist is coming in giving me more of the appearance of curves.

At this point in my transition, my ideas surrounding being ‘passable’ are changing.  I’m along the lines of “that is their assumption – no biggie”.  This turned out to be a much larger topic than I thought, so I cut this out and created yet another post (On Being Passable).

Well, now to go back to dreaming of my wedding, the gown, the flowers and leis, the beach and most of all, my Kealoha (beloved) ….

With much Aloha,

Sifan

 

On Being Passable

As I started this transition, a lot of time and energy (and worry) went into being “passable” as a woman.  I’ve read and heard a lot of debate on this, mostly about being yourself and what others think does not matter.  And while that is true, when one is on the beginning part of transition looking forward this is a huge concern.  It has only been after HRT’s effects have had time to take hold, that I was able to be comfortable enough to be able to let down my guard and be able to perhaps see the larger picture where these statements are true.

It’s only in the last couple of months, where coincidentally I’m ‘passable’ enough, that now ‘passing’ is not that important and I can say things like “it does not matter what others think” or “what/who is important is you”.  Perhaps the better way of putting this is: “what is important is what you think”.  This changes as you go through a transition, this means wanting to be passable at the start is just as valid as seeing that it does not matter after you are through.

Lately (I’m starting month 12 as I write this), most of the places I go, people I see or ‘massively public’ areas I’m in, I am not noticing any side looks, comments or raised eyebrows.  Now, I have had to be ‘up in front’ at public events a number of times recently, giving a talk on astronomy, manning a booth at the astronomy open house (1500 people came through), teaching astronomy at a local school (320 students), etc., and have never experienced problems or issues.

At this point in my transition, my ideas surrounding being ‘passable’ are changing.  I’m now along the lines of “that is their assumption – no biggie”.  Yes, I am who I am and I’m the happiest I have ever been in my life.  Everything matches, especially my gender and my gender expression.  And for the most part, that is reflected back to me from society.  Now, I do not believe that I am fully ‘passable’ – not by a long shot.  But enough of the ‘clues’ are present that people seem to assume I’m female and treat me as such.  Even those that hear me first (my voice has a long way to go) and use the wrong pronoun usually will look a bit embarrassed once they see me.

But the real difference is that I no longer mind.  The ‘sting’ is gone.  I’ve had women tell me that they have been called ‘sir’.  I’m sort of at the point I guess – people make mistakes in this area – but more important I know who I am and this does not challenge that, nor does it in any way negate it.

Transitioning is a scary and potentially dangerous thing to do.  It is fraught with high stress and anxiety, especially when starting.  Being concerned with passing when you start is not only ok – it could be necessary.  Yes, some transsexuals will never be able to pass.  Taken at a ‘healthy’ level, this fear can be helpful and prevent potentially dangerous situations.

This is a long winded way of trying to say it’s ok to want to be able to pass.  Perhaps, like me, that was a phase (not completely through it  – maybe at some level I’ll never be).

As the months pass and I settle into my true being, more and more of these things that back then were paramount are now starting to seem trivial.  They are not – it’s just that my journey is now a bit more “down the road”.

With much Aloha,

Sifan

Choosing a Surgeon

I have finally chosen the doctor and clinic for my GRS  (gender re-affirmation surgery).  I will have my surgery in mid September.

In order to qualify for GRS (some call it ‘bottom’ surgery), a transsexual person needs to have:

  • Signed letter by a therapist stating you are indeed a transsexual and that surgery is required, plus that you do not have any other psychological disorders that would prohibit or complicate this
  • Documentation showing that you have lived at least one year totally and completely in the chosen gender (this is called the RLE – real life experience)
  • Medical documentation that you are fit and can ‘live’ through a 7 hour procedure.

It has been difficult to choose a surgeon/clinic for my GRS.

Basically, from everyone I have talked to, emailed, read blogs, etc. that have personally been through GRS plus reading many different clinic web sites and information – it came down to three:  Dr. Bassard in Canada, Dr Bowers in California and Dr. Suporn in Thailand.  Anyone that had been to any of these three had raving reviews for their doctor and would go to them again.  Everything put these three at being precisely equal as well.  This made the decision all that much harder.

Dr Suporn’s method is not the standard method for GRS.  It is not the ‘inversion’ method and it results in most everything being ‘reused’.  This results in most of the same areas being sensate that a natal female has.  One of the women I talked to stated that this was a very high importance to her and Dr. Suporn came through.  She stated that other doctors would not guarantee the result would be orgasmic, however Dr. Suporn did (however she would have to pay the airfare to come back for corrective surgery – but he would guarantee it and the corrective surgery would be paid by him).

Two other factors also helped in choosing Dr. Suporn.  As my GP doctor stated:  “go with who has the most experience” and that is Dr. Suporn by a long shot.  His fees are lower as well.  I’ll be able to get both the GRS and a breast augmentation for the same price as the GRS alone here in the states (and that includes the travel expenses and the hotels).  They also keep you longer.  I will be staying in Thailand for 30 days, verses the two weeks with the others.

Dr. Bowers is herself a transsexual, having had the surgery from one of the pioneering doctors in this field and going on to study from him and eventually take over his clinic when he retired.   It was hard not to choose her.

I’ve had glowing reviews from people I know that went to Dr. Bassard’s clinic in Montreal.  My sons and grandsons live in Minnesota and I would have been able to stop over on my way back, breaking up the journey and being able to recuperate closer to the clinic.

But in the end, it was a letter from a friend that went to Dr. Suporn that finally allowed me to decide.  The different technique, the additional sensate tissues and layers, the more ‘normal’ appearance and the additional comfort that Thailand affords, all added up to make it the winning ticket!

Of course there are other things that I now have to take care of:

  • Airline tickets that cross the international date line (the flight is 21 hours, plus crossing the date line – so exactly which day do I actually land?  The tickets give the time of landing but not the date – ack)
  • Getting my passport updated, in time.  I already had turned this in only to have it returned stating that I used the wrong form and please attach a letter from my doctor, which I had and they did not return!
  • Getting a visitor visa for Thailand.  Their consulate here is on a different island, so I may have to fly over there just to get this.
  • Transferring a large amount of money overseas – governments don’t like that – smells of terrorism.  So lots of red tape plus a lot of intermediate banks that all want to charge a fee.
  • Cardiac stress tests (like why do I want to stress that?  Does not sound nice at all) and other medical tests.
  • My partner (will be my spouse a week from now) is coming with and will have to deal with all the name changing and especially passport and visa issues.

I’ll keep posting as this progresses.

With much Aloha,

Sifan